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Five Classic Christmas Movies Made Better With a Higher Body Count
“Die Hard” gave us the template
Maybe it’s because I just realized that committing to Midnight Mass on Christmas means being up until at least 2 a.m. while my Protestant family members still expect to open presents at sunrise, or maybe it’s the menacing masked carolers, but I find myself quite surly three days before Christmas. This has not triggered a rant, as I promised earlier that those were done for the year. Rather, combined with watching a holiday classic last night, it has triggered an idea. A wonderful, awful idea.
The classic I was watching for roughly the 50th straight year was A Charlie Brown Christmas. Somehow, through all those viewings, I had never really noticed how horribly everyone except Linus treats poor Charlie Brown (even Snoopy, everyone’s favorite mutt). Chuck takes this abuse like the doormat he is, just like he always believes that uber-villain Lucy Van Pelt won’t yank away the football just before he kicks it.
I had watched Die Hard (another Christmas classic) the night before, and started wondering how the hero of that film would have responded to those punk kids: WWJMD (What Would John McClane Do)? This led to an epiphany, and took me down a rabbit hole of inspiration.
