Dear Bruce Springsteen: I Sincerely Apologize for Not Writing Recently
A repentant Rate-A-Record
I was minding my own business this morning, drinking coffee and enjoying our first rain in what seems like years, when I received the following e-mail:
Mr. Combs,
It has been brought to my attention that you have not written a story about the Honorable Bruce Frederick Joseph Springsteen in exactly 43 days. I must inform you that if this is not rectified by September 15, 2023, the restraining orders currently in effect preventing your entry into New Jersey, New York, and Eastern Pennsylvania will become null and void.
Given that for some reason you wear these banishments as a badge of honor, I wanted to give you the opportunity to correct this oversight and maintain Mr. Springsteen’s concerns about your troubling obsession. Please note that merely mentioning “Born to Run” in every article you write does not warrant banishment from the above states; at worst, this would require that you register with the local police upon visiting Monmouth and Ocean Counties.
Tramps like us,
John “Johnny 99” DeLillo, New Jersey Board of Musical Tourism
My first thought was that there was no way it’s been 43 days since I wrote a Springsteen-centric…
